Art and Love Gone Wrong

Second of a series of excerpts from my memoir Loveyoubye: Holding Fast, Letting Go, and Then There’s the Dog, released April 2014. 

Quick catch-up. My husband starts taking off for weeks at a time. No explanation, no apology, just yards of attitude. After twenty-five years of marriage no less. Here I’m thinking back to when things were good between us.

2014-10-07 01.27.35

I remember the day I cast his face in plaster of Paris for the mask. He lay on his back on the cement front deck, Vaseline smeared all over his face, his beard and moustache matted with the goo. I’d finally persuaded him to go along with my experiment, but he almost lost it when I kept slathering on Vaseline. He couldn’t even stand sunscreen on his face. So there he lay, two straws sticking out of his nose while I kneeled beside him with a bucketful of plaster, slapping it on. I hoped this was the way it was done. All I knew for sure was that I had to hurry and finish before the stuff set. Just as I was about to plop down the last handful of plaster, he grunted.

“What’s wrong?” I yelled. Sticking his index finger in his ear as if I’d broken his ear drum, he made a rolling motion with his other hand for me to hurry.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m almost done,” I said just as his hand came down on top of mine. Plaster flew everywhere, some of it plugging the end of the straw sticking out of one nostril. He made a snuffling sound and, Frankenstein-like, struggled to his feet.

“Wait, wait!” Jumping up, I glanced around desperately for something to clear the straw. A bamboo twig? Too thick. He flopped back down and growled. I crouched over him.

“Snort it out!” I burst out laughing and couldn’t stop. Doubling over, I staggered around, crying with laughter. He reached blindly for me, his growl now a muffled roar.

“Sorry,” I managed to gasp, and I kneeled beside him. I touched the plaster. It had set.

“Listen, I’m going to get this stuff off right now, it won’t be long, okay?” I bit my lip to stop the giggle that bubbled up and started tugging on the edge over his forehead. He roared in pain.

“I told you we needed more Vaseline!” I shouted. Twenty minutes and a million microscopic tugs later I held a hair-speckled mold of Larry’s face in my hands. He sat up and glared at me.

Now I couldn’t help the grin that stole across my face. His encouragement had led me to the world of the arts, a world I’d yearned for back in Zambia and didn’t know it.

Available at AmazonBarnes & Noble, and IndieBound (support your local bookstore!)

And for worldwide FREE shipping, go to Book Depository

Art and Love Gone Wrong

Second of a series of excerpts from my memoir Loveyoubye: Holding Fast, Letting Go, and Then There’s the Dog, released April 2014. 

Quick catch-up. My husband starts taking off for weeks at a time. No explanation, no apology, just yards of attitude. After twenty-five years of marriage no less. Here I’m thinking back to when things were good between us.

2014-10-07 01.27.35

I remember the day I cast his face in plaster of Paris for the mask. He lay on his back on the cement front deck, Vaseline smeared all over his face, his beard and moustache matted with the goo. I’d finally persuaded him to go along with my experiment, but he almost lost it when I kept slathering on Vaseline. He couldn’t even stand sunscreen on his face. So there he lay, two straws sticking out of his nose while I kneeled beside him with a bucketful of plaster, slapping it on. I hoped this was the way it was done. All I knew for sure was that I had to hurry and finish before the stuff set. Just as I was about to plop down the last handful of plaster, he grunted.

“What’s wrong?” I yelled. Sticking his index finger in his ear as if I’d broken his ear drum, he made a rolling motion with his other hand for me to hurry.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m almost done,” I said just as his hand came down on top of mine. Plaster flew everywhere, some of it plugging the end of the straw sticking out of one nostril. He made a snuffling sound and, Frankenstein-like, struggled to his feet.

“Wait, wait!” Jumping up, I glanced around desperately for something to clear the straw. A bamboo twig? Too thick. He flopped back down and growled. I crouched over him.

“Snort it out!” I burst out laughing and couldn’t stop. Doubling over, I staggered around, crying with laughter. He reached blindly for me, his growl now a muffled roar.

“Sorry,” I managed to gasp, and I kneeled beside him. I touched the plaster. It had set.

“Listen, I’m going to get this stuff off right now, it won’t be long, okay?” I bit my lip to stop the giggle that bubbled up and started tugging on the edge over his forehead. He roared in pain.

“I told you we needed more Vaseline!” I shouted. Twenty minutes and a million microscopic tugs later I held a hair-speckled mold of Larry’s face in my hands. He sat up and glared at me.

Now I couldn’t help the grin that stole across my face. His encouragement had led me to the world of the arts, a world I’d yearned for back in Zambia and didn’t know it.

Available at AmazonBarnes & Noble, and IndieBound (support your local bookstore!)

And for worldwide FREE shipping, go to Book Depository

Reflection on The A-Z Challenge

For two years in a row now I’ve completed the challenge. I had a blast. This year at least. Not so much last year. Halfway through the alphabet I was on holiday in England where I reconnected with old pals from Zambia, madly scribbling entries in between trips down Cumbrian country lanes, hugging sheep (love the little beasties), poob-crawling (that’s how they say “pub” and it was just two of them), visiting me dad’s old primary school in Ayr, Scotland–read about it here–laughing my head off, and trying desperately to remember the names of the people we knew.

This year I realized just how much I’ve learned through blogging. My writing experience, nigh these twenty years, has been the long form: books, three of them. (Yes. It took me twenty years, hey, I had a full time job and kids to raise.) I’ve written a few essays, but I’ve never had to wing it every day, or at least a couple of times a week.  It’s been tough. The A-Z Challenge was a godsend. It gave me a target. Through doing the challenge I gained confidence and honed my writing chops. I also made connections.

Cheers to the A-Z Challenge creators! Thank you.

C is For Crapulence

Crapulence – Discomfort from eating or drinking too much.

I NEVER do that.

Jan's birthday 2011 meI like this word–I’m a lover of cuss words, well, some of them, and this word has one right up front. “Crap.” I would’ve loved it as a kid, because I wasn’t allowed to swear and I could say CRAPulence with impunity. Well, that’s if the word crap meant anything back home in Zambia, which it didn’t. Instead we said bad words like bloody hell under our breaths.

 

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Directionally Challenged

On Lynn Dorman’s blog “Do You Have a Sense of Direction” Yes? No? I answered NO! reminded me of my days as a letter carrier. Yes. I delivered mail for The United States Postal Service. For six years they actually let me drive one of those wobbly little jeeps, and then one of those whopping big trucks out onto the streets of Newport Beach, never quite able to tell north from south, east from west. And then sometimes while “looping” a street on foot, getting so turned around I couldn’t remember where I parked my vehicle.

But I looked the part in my regulation blue uniform, complete with eagle insignia on my shirt sleeve. In summer I wore culottes (knee-length split skirt—no shorter than two inches from the knee, if you please), and in our so-called winter, long, very badly designed pants. Oh, and black regulation shoes that were even clunkier than those I was required to wear at St. John’s Convent School in Kitwe, Zambia. At least we didn’t have to wear white socks like I did then, just these little socklets or whatever they’re called. Oh, and get this, we had pith helmets! Blue of course. Shades (excuse the pun) of those days when my family took overnight trips up to the Congo, that time crossing the Kafue on a pontoon when my dad snapped a photo me as a five-year-old clad in my underwear and a pith helmet (beige, of course), standing beside our old Ford while the Africans chanted and pulled us across the river.

To this day, I still have dreams of being late delivering mail and I still get lost whenever I venture out of my familiar terrain which I often do. But now I don’t panic. I’ve got GPS.

A is For Antelope

From the time I could walk until I left Zambia at 22, my dad was always pointing out the different kinds of antelope on our yearly trips down through Zimbabwe to South Africa to visit the relatives, or on our journeys to the Congo, Malawi, Tanganyika or Kenya. There are over 91 species of the animal, from the eland, to the gerenuk, impala, kudo, roan, sable and springbok. I often mistook one for the other, well, except for the springbok, symbol of South African rugby, but I never mistook the dik-dik, my favorite. These graceful dwarf antelopes are about the size of a fox terrier, with almost no tail and a small tuft of hair on the head. At maturity they weigh up to 12 pounds and are 14 inches tall at the shoulder. And wow, can they zig-zag and bounce when chased by a larger animal.

 

A to Z Blogging Challenge

Don’t you just love this picture? That’s why I decided to take on the Blogging From A to Z April Challenge; it was the picture. Me and dogs, you know how it is? Actually, I’m excited about this venture. Starting with “A” I have to post a blog every day in April, except Sundays. From the letters “O” through “X” (April 17-27th) I’ll be in Morland, a little village in Cumbria, UK, to visit my childhood chums, Joan and Donna, from my life in Africa from a long, long, long time ago. More on that in another blog. Should be interesting, don’t you think?

 

Nkana Swimming Baths

Donna, my fellow hockey playing chum from the old days, in Kitwe/Nkana, Zambia (the place from which I thankfully escaped), got me connected to the Kitwe Past/Present Facebook page where there’s all these photos posted from those days. The town is now just called Kitwe, not sure why. Used to be the name given to the commerce side of the place. Nkana was the mining part where I lived. In my day it was owned by Anglo/American when the copper mines were pumping and there was money to be made, and housing, schooling and hospitalization were free.

So, despite myself, I’m checking out these photos. And feeling very sad at how Nkana has changed. I left after independence but since then copper prices plunged, all the skilled workers left, and now Zambia is one of the poorest in the world.

This is a photo of the Swimming Baths, where I swam on the Copperbelt swim team and where I met that champion diver from the Zimbabwean team–what was his name? Damn, he was good looking. Six months later, we had a very exciting, hormone-filled grope on the platform at Bulawayo train station where I had briefly escaped my parents and little brother on our thousand mile journey down to Durban, South Africa to holiday on its white sands. I was fifteen.

This was also where I jumped from the top diving board without holding my nose like the ninnies did. This is also where I stuffed toilet paper in the cups of my two piece “cozzie” (bathing suit), where all us girls undressed together in one big cement-floored change room, me pressed against the wall to hide my “bumps.”  This is where I met the guy who was determined to stop me from getting married. Unfortunately, he didn’t succeed. And two years later, this is where I took my baby son to play in that turquoise blue fountain to play.

Below is a photo of me in the Swimming Baths heyday (and mine!). And sans stuffing in my bra.

 

 

Finding Joan

Joan is a childhood friend.  She’s the only childhood friend I’ve ever been able to find after all these years.  When you’re from Zambia when it was colonial Northern Rhodesia and everyone you ever knew has disappeared, you go a little nuts when you find someone from ye old school days: St. John’s Convent School and Kitwe High. Here’s the two of us in front of one of the single-quarters units up near the Mine Club. We must’ve been around fifteen or so.

Where I found Joan was on “The Great North Road,” an online forum created in 1996.  Here’s the lead-in: “In the heart of central Africa, a frontier spirit engendered a hardy breed.  We shared a very special time and place. Through this medium we’ve been able to reconnect again and to share our memories of the remarkable Northern Rhodesian experience. “The diaspora of Northern Rhodesians has scattered our small stock far and wide across the planet—from South Africa to Iceland, Hong Kong to Zimbabwe, North America to Australia, the British Isles to New Zealand . . . Northern Rhodesians Worldwide.”

Kinda cool, huh?  Along with “Remember When” lists–remember when you could get a Fanta grape and two Wicks bubble gum all for sixpence?”there were black and white photographs of skinny wild-eyed boys perched on those rocks in the Kafue river with a question mark above the middle bat-eared one, anyone remember his name?

Funny thing, I’m not big on nostalgia and I couldn’t wait to emigrate to America, but finding Joan jacked me up enough to tell anyone who’d listen I’d rediscovered a childhood friend.  So? But you don’t understand . . . So sweet after all this time.  All the reasons why I wanted so badly to get out of Africa and all the shitty decisions I’ve made in my life dulled by time.  Instead, all the good stuff came rushing back: the wildass chances we took, hitchhiking to Luanshya in the middle of the night down a bush road after sneaking out of my bedroom window; whizzing down the “foofie” slide at Rhodwins Resort—a thick metal cable the boys had strung across the crocodile-infested Kafue river—hanging onto a cylinder the size of a toilet paper roll; the snogging in the back of the Astra and Rhokana Cinemas with some “talent” from Chingola or Luanshya; the white sweaters worn back to front over waists cinched to 18 inches.  Yow!

What I mostly remember about Joan was that she and both her sisters looked like different versions of Ava Gardner, all olive skinned and sloe-eyed.  She was not athletic, though she tried, just couldn’t see the ball, I later learned.  I was into everything our little bush town offered: ballet, swimming, softball, hockey and basketball, but still we hung together. She was a no nonsense type, not one to chase the boys, never wanted to get married.  I, on the other hand . . . She was my bridesmaid at my too young wedding.

Skype, you know, the online phonecam deal revealed she’s still gorgeous and still loving her “Harry Champers,” (champagne).  Oh, and she’s been married twice.  Hah!  When she saw my shoulder-length hair, she said, Oh, you California girls. Too funny.  She lives in a place called The Cobbles, Morland, in the Lake District of England.  Carrying her laptop, screen facing out with its built in camera, she took a walk down the  lane in front of her house.  With the sound of a gurgling brook as an accompaniment, “we” headed to the local pub where she called out to a man standing in front,  Say hello to my friend. He obliged. I yelled back my hello.

I’m off to see her in April, next year.  We’re going up to spend some time in Scotland, land of my dad’s folks.  She remembered, told me how much my parents had meant to her after she lost hers in a head-on collision on the road between Mufulira and Nkana when she was twenty.  To make it worse, she was the first one on the scene after the crash. More on Joan and my life pre-America after my visit.